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xopachi:

skwinky:

lntruding:

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.


UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

(Source)

I always need this on my blog.

I can’t be laughing this hard in the morning. 

nightlocke-d:

  • Arda $25 (or $50) Certificate Giveaway!

This is a good Karma/Follower appreciation giveaway. The prize is an Arda Certificate for $25. I am not requiring people to follow me, but if the winner is a follower, I will send a $50 certificate code. 

I hope one lucky winner will be able to make good use of it! 

Rules

  • You don’t need to be following me. But if the winner is following me, I will send $50 instead a $25 code.
  • Reblogs only
  • If for some reason this post messes up the notes, I will choose the winner from my follower pool.
  • If you are under 18, ask for your parents’ permission to reblog this (I don’t want awkward situations)
  • Do not reblog to giveaway sideblogs (aka blogs ONLY used for the purpose of reblogging giveaway posts.)
  • Have your inbox open so I can message you if you win!
  • The winner will be picked at random (Using a randomizer). If he or she doesn’t reply within the first 24 hours of being contacted, a new winner will be chosen.
  • This will not require shipping. I will send the code through Tumblr message. 
  • Giveaway ends Friday August 1st AT 10PM CENTRAL

catmerch:

Hello guys! We’re coming out with another giveaway because our store is doing much better than we anticipated! Thank you all for helping us out so far. 

This giveaway will be hosted by our store - Circusdoll on storenvy. We sell cosplay wigs, costumes, accessories, as well as lolita and casual wear shoes and wigs. 

What you can win: 

- A Free! Jacket of your choice, any size, any style! 
- You will also win one wig from our store, a pair of shoes and a dress.
- Also $150 towards whatever else you would like from our store. 
- Obviously, we can work something out if you don’t wear dresses or boots!

Rules: 

- There will be TWO lucky winners! So everything up there will be going to TWO individuals! 
- You must be following me and Kitty
- We will choose the winners using a random generator which will pick two numbers for us. 
- Only reblogs count, only reblog ONCE. You may like for reference. 
- We ship worldwide! 
- You must be able to give us your address, and must have ask box open!
- No giveaway blogs!

Thank you and goodluck! This will end on July 28th! (OR when we get 15K notes!)  

ciciascloset:

How to make a bunnysuit. 

This is a very big image. There’s a lot of information on it. The best way to view this image is to go through he link. It’s a pretty complicated process I recommend reading more on boning here, and in this place

This is not a beginner project. However with enough research and patience you can make a top notch bunnysuit. Have Patience, loads of it. 

Follow me here or on Facebook for more small tutorials. Contact me to request a tutorial

http://thedandmom.tumblr.com/post/91407492347/i-am-currently-available-for

thedandmom:

thedandmom:

I am currently -AVAILABLE- for commissions


image

Sketch Commissions

Sketch commissions are available any time and are usually completed with a day or two

Prices

$10 - headshot

$15- waist up

$20- full body

Basic Ink and Colorimage

A simply colored and inked commission…

A reminder that I’m still open so if there is some art you want, I’m your gal. 

psdo:

vaporware-femme:

jennythepirate:

desdinova:

jennythepirate:

I haven’t posted progress in a million years. The chain suit is finished. All I have left is finishing the leather and casting the elf ears.

You did Merrill’s full-body chain?! It looks amazing, how did you do it? It must have taken SO much time and work! Err, I should ask, is it ok to reblog this? I just wanted my followers to see it.

Thanks:D Rebloging is fine. Your followers can also see my bathroom:D

It’s taken about 2 years. There are 20,000 aluminum rings (I think it was 16 gauge but I don’t remember.) The instructions for making the sleeves and making it fitted come from here http://homepage.ntlworld.com/trevor.barker/farisles/guilds/armour/mail.htm I also used the pants pattern from the Armor Archive. http://www.armourarchive.org/essays/book__practical_chainmail/practical_chainmail.shtml

I am reblogging this version too so my followers can see it and spread it like wild fire, this took two years of sticking to it and pure dedication

I have literally never seen something more badass, I’m like in cosplay tears over it and I remember you starting this forever ago and I remember liking it back then too. It is amazing to see and I hope I get to see pictures of the final product.

Seriously well done. Oh my frick.

wHAT

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